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Apologetic & Other Free Essays

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Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children
by the Houston Police Dept.

  1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. This way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

  2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him, and let him think that it is cute. This will also encourage him to pick up even cuter phrases that will blow off the top of your head later on.

  3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 years old and then let him decide for himself.

  4. Avoid the use of the word "wrong". He may develop a guilt complex, and that would damage the child's psyche and self-esteem. This will condition him later on, when he steals a car, that society is against him and that he is being persecuted.

  5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around…like books, shoes, and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all the responsibility on all other people, except himself.

  6. Let him read any printed matter that he can get his hands on, and see all the movies, television, and videos he wants. Be careful, of course, that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on all the garbage he wants to put into it.

  7. Quarrel frequently in front of your children. This way, they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later on.

  8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them when you were a kid.

  9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, comfort, and things. See that every sensual desire is gratified, because denial might lead to harmful frustration.

  10. Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policeman, because they are all prejudice against your child…everyone knows that.

  11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him."

  12. Prepare for a life of grief…you earned it!

November 10, 1998